Sludge, Rainwater and Trust

2010 was the craziest year of my life.  I felt literally turned upside-down by the separation from my ex husband.  When I realized he had slept with another girl in our bed, I think that actual sense left my head and was replaced by sludge.  Yup, that is the best way to describe it.  The sludge made decisions.  The sludge went to work.  The sludge tried to have friendships... and lost some of them.  Some days I literally felt so upside-down that my balance even seemed off as I would walk.... my head seemed to slosh.  I really had problems.  I like the Shel Silverstein Poem:

RAIN
I opened my eyes
and looked up at the rain,
and it dripped in my head
and flowed into my brain,
and all that I hear as I lie in my bed
is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand-
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild, crazy thing I just said-
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head!

Yah, that hits it on the nail.

Over the past two months or so, I have felt the sludge slowly disappear.  The rain is leaking out of my head, and I am beginning to see very clearly that I have been heading down a path that isn't going to take me to the destination God has for me.  Maybe that is why God has been bugging me so much lately... now I can finally hear Him say "This way!" 
I am leaving some people on that path that I care VERY MUCH about.  As I change direction, just a smidge, and head onto my new path... just 5 degrees more North... I will leave them behind, because our paths will continue to widen apart, and soon we won't even see each other because of how far apart our paths are.  Our paths my not intersect again.  This scares me... because that path is what I have become used to.  I am nervous to start out on my new path.  But I need to TRUST that God is leading me this direction, and not be tempted to turn back to familiarity.  It's only because I actually trust God that I can do this.  I ask for your support, if you know me.  This is very difficult for me to do.  My heart is breaking over it.

I am so glad Jesus left the 99 to look for me.  God is so persistent in His love.... He is so relentless.